I was discussing with the other part of my bed how music had changed through time and how I had changed with music.
It’s beautiful to get the chills because of a song, especially when you attached a personal experience.
I feel I am not following any specific genre because I can get emotional with a metal song or with a bossa nova, but because I studied classical piano from age 4 to age 16, from time to time I found myself listening more piano music than anything else. I enjoy closing my eyes and create inside my head the story of what the beautiful sound of the piano is telling me.
One of the songs that always make me feel better is Merry Christmas Mr. Lawerence from Ryuichi Sakamoto. Take the time to listen to this masterpiece:
I miss from my childhood the sensation of total boredom. Boredom always forced me to look beyond the common scenario and took me to different places. Before the Youtube Era, my imagination was my browser channel. I closed my eyes and I start watching whatever I wanted to project in my mind. I get disconnected from this human world and I visited different worlds created by me and were based on the things that I liked. Scenery depended on my mood, sometimes I was Legolas in The Battle of the Pelennor Fields, a Yoshi surrounded by more Yoshis in Yoshi’s Island, a worker of Capsule Corp or a paleontologist living in Jurassic Park.
I miss having those moments with myself.
Now I’m more used to consume content from the web than make time to listen to my inner voice. When I started to ignore what my inner voice was trying to tell me? I don’t know, but this last week, that I became a little nostalgic, I turn on my imagination. Just a little, just to say hello.
I haven’t written anything in two weeks. This means that my thoughts haven’t had an escape valve. Today, I had felt unsure and tired of myself and after trying to do some exercise, I crashed. My eyelids started to feel heavy. I was holding so many thoughts that I couldn’t focus. I was being controlled by negative feelings that were affecting my productivity and self-destructive attitudes started to flow.
But this happens and, after working with full consciousness the kind of person I want to become, now I have an advantage: I know how to feel motivated and renewed from one moment to other. The key is to look for some inspiration.
Everything starts with one idea. I start working and nourishing an idea. To understand the idea, I must fragment it in several sub-themes because I need to see each part of an idea. After I analyze and order those sub-themes, I can get as result a new perception that is shown to me as clear as if I could see the bottom of a refreshing and sweet cenote. With this clearness and understanding of an idea, inspiration happens. Inspiration comes from the linkage of the ideas that I have in my mind, and as the result of an inspiring afternoon, I usually develop new ideas. It’s a perfect cycle that empowers ideas that empowers inspiration that empower ideas…
The pretty thing is when ideas become strong enough to have its own path and maybe become a reference for me or for others. When I realize how much power an idea can have, I feel that my purpose in life is to reach enough knowledge to edify an idea that can help in the positive transformation of our society.
I have cross a no turning back point when I decided to develop and nourish my ideas. Sometimes it’s hard to see how society is working but doing my best is the only way I can feel peace. I’m waiting to succeed and become an important changemaker in society. In the end, I feel like I’m fuzing with this Universe. Or at least my presence is altering this Universe. And I feel powerful knowing that.
To write is easy; what is hard is to feel comfortable with what I want to publish and share. I’m determined to excel in all my deliveries as a writer because that’s my way to find my own happiness in this existence.
I know I can’t reach everyone with what I write because we all have different backgrounds, objectives, and positions in life, but I also know I have many things to share and that someone (at least one lonely soul like mine) can feel related to my thoughts.
For many years I convinced myself that I was living in a worthless place and that I was doomed to rot with everyone else that hold similar mentality. I felt La Nausée sartrian. Fortunately, the actions I took day by day changed me and today I’m not the kind of person I wanted to be 6 years ago (and I am glad). Instead of that, I accepted that life can be hard, people can be mean (or just stupid), but I decided to stay positive and with no doubts about bringing some good into this chaotic scenario we are living in.
La Nausée is still outside my door but I don’t care about it anymore. I don’t want to be swallow by it, I don’t want it to make me feel incapable of leading myself into things I want to reach. I want to be le contraire de la Nausée.
I must remember to chill out, think in a positive and constructive way (no matter what) and surpass my limits. Amazing persons are doing this and they’re the hope I need to continue this journey.
I am finally doing some work. I am excited but I am also a little angry that I didn’t start before.
It’s really nice to be feel sure about something. I’m not 100% percent sure if I’ll succeed in my plans but doesn’t matter. I am glad that for once in my working life I have some kind of certainty of what I want to do because that’s the first step to succeed in something. Now I am leading my actions in what I am willing to reach.
Btw, today I downloaded in my phone an habit tracking app that helps to create habits, I think it might help to the constancy I need. I have a strong theory that most of the times I can’t fulfill my goals because I can’t be constant in what I want to transform to be an habit because I forget to do because I do not set an hour to make it truth. If this theory is true this tracking app will be dope. Let’s start proving my theory in 3… 2… 1…
Yesterday I thought that 7 years ago I was living in Japan.
I felt really uncomfortable after remembering about my past because I can’t find something in common between the person that I used to be and the person that I am today. I change my whole mindset and of course, that brought different results in my daily basis.
Yes, there are things I regret I did but there are amazing memories too, and I don’t want either of those memories. I just don’t feel them mine anymore.
I am enjoying the pink dawn, sitting in the bed. It’s 7 am and I just took a decision that is going to change my life: I am going to write a book. I know I can succeed in a long term goal, so I am not completely lost. I can adapt my day and look to work at the same time everyday. By this I am going to create an habit and since consistency is the key of success, I can succeed in my goal (I know there are more things needed to write a book but I am trying to start counting with the things that I already have to fulfill my goal).
To begin I need to:
- Wake up earlier to write in a peaceful hour, without any distractions.
- Find a comfotable spot. It’s important to find a nice spot to write because if I am not comfortable, I get back pain. Until today my usual spots to work are the bed, the living room, the stairs and the dinning room. I do have an office with a confortable table but I haven’t move my working stuff over there.
Beside writing, there are other things I want to do. I want to go to the beach, see the blue ocean, feel the sea breeze, have a peaceful moment in another part besides my home. want to know that I can feel as happy as any other day in a different parts of this world.